I never, ever would have guessed that I would be a mama to FOUR. I can remember having Crew (our second born) and swearing that we were done at two kids. And then as we grew out of her newborn phase and it all started to get easier…and a lot of friends started having their third babies…I thought…”sure, just one more.” So we did. I can remember many times referencing “my last pregnancy” on various Instagram posts while pregnant with Grey (our third). And I really meant it.
Until we brought him home from the hospital.
I’ll never forget that night after we got home crying in the shower that he would be my last baby (granted, the tears were likely in part due to the fact that my hormones were freaking out). And I’ll never forget coming downstairs after that shower to tell Geoff that I wanted another. He looked at me like I was BANANAS. Ha!
Since having Grey 2.5 years ago, I’ve always had “that feeling”. That feeling that we weren’t done. And yet, the idea of another was completely terrifying and overwhelming….partly because of the fact that my pregnancies and deliveries are not complication free and that I am 37 this time around (officially considered a geriatric pregnant person), but mostly because of the realities of having FOUR kids. Caring for them, paying for them, managing all of their individual needs, etc. Not to mention that we would be “starting over again” with all of the things. It’s a lot to think about and, for a highly anxious person like me, to be afraid of. But still, there was that lingering feeling.
Geoff didn’t have the feeling. Geoff was quite certain that we were done, which made for a couple of years of me teasing him about wanting another and him rolling his eyes at me. 🙂 It was probably about a year ago that I started praying that we would come together in this decision and have a mutual peace about it. I prayed that God would either change my heart or change his. And wouldn’t you know it…it was Geoff’s that slowly began to change. I don’t know how or even really when. But it changed. And as soon as he began to get on board with the idea of another child, I started to straight PANIC that this potentially could be a real thing. After a lot more consideration and prayer came peace and validation in my heart. I began to get a grip and we decided that we were going to go for it. And here we are. Pregnant with Schultz Baby #4 and due in early March.
So what am I feeling now?
I’m definitely excited to add to our family and have another baby to experience all of the “firsts” again. But here’s the truth. I’m definitely battling a lot of anxiety, mostly related to my health (I’ll spare you the drama/details) and how everything will shake out in the end.
I try remember back to when I was pregnant with Boone (our first). It was an unplanned pregnancy and I had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I would be a mother and that my life was about to change. I basically kicked and screamed the whole way through and robbed myself of the joys of my first pregnancy. The circumstances are much different than that this time around, but similar in that I know there is the potential to allow fear overtake my joy and peace of my fourth and last pregnancy (most definitely, this will be the last 🙂 ) if I let it. I don’t want to look back on this time and regret that I let this sweet time slip away.
One verse that I cling to and practice to fight my anxiety is:
“Fix your thoughts on what is honorable and right and pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” – Philippians 4:8
I’ll end with answering some questions I’ve been getting over on Instagram.
How far along are you?
I’m 16 weeks today!
Have you been sick?
Yes, unfortunately. I was sick for most of the summer, but that is nothing new. I’ve dealt with nausea with all of my pregnancies, but thankfully, it seems to be behind me. Geoff has been an amazing help…picking up my slack around the house and with the kids and letting me take daily guilt-free naps on the weekends.
Will you find out the gender?
Yes! We waited until birth day with Grey’s pregnancy, which was fun. This time around, we’ll find out the gender at our anatomy ultrasound coming up in a month or so. I just feel like I need to make all preparations as easy as possible this time around. 🙂 I don’t really have a feeling what it might be and would be super happy either way. Giving Crew a little sister would be really fun, but I love my little Grey squirrel to pieces and would be excited to have another boy.
How did the kids react to the news?
We waited until just a few weeks ago to tell our kids of the pregnancy…mostly because of Crew. We weren’t quite ready to make our news public and the girl has got people to tell! When we shared the news, Boone was kind of quiet, but smiling a lot. Crew was beside herself with excitement and immediately began hoping that it would be a girl. And Grey…well, he didn’t really have a clue what was going on. He was just feeding off of Boone and Crew and was squealing next to them. 🙂
Thanks to everyone for the sweet words and excitement about our news!
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